Monday, November 10, 2008

Look Out! Look Out! Look OUT!

I've never liked it when someone tells me to Be Careful or Have A Safe Trip. I don't like the implied danger. I think you're calling down the unwanted attention of the Gods of Mishap when you warn someone. When I'd leave my girlhood home -- for an evening or a year -- my parents would say, "Goodbye, good luck, and God bless you." I like that. I don't like, "Drive carefully."

I remember having a dream in '85, the year I moved to Florida. Someone in the dream told me not to be careful, to just go out and live. It made me feel so free and happy.

Advice given in dreams, of course, is forty times more profound than that given in Real Life.

So look at this little wooden stool I bought (and if I had my own computer back, I would show you a picture, but since I don't, I won't, but I swear I'm not actually mentioning my lack of computer yet another time). I drove over my other one after I painted Mark's car. The word smithereens actually sprang to mind as I viewed the splintered wreck. Now we're painting Jill's van and I'm so happy to have found this new stool. It's perfect. It's a sturdy little thing with a big slot in the middle for easy pick-up. There are two big screws on each of four sides. That's a hardy little fellow, isn't it?

But look at the label on the underside:
  • DO NOT STAND ON THIS CHAIR.
  • DO NOT USE THIS CHAIR AS A STEP LADDER.
  • Use this product only for seating one person at a time.
  • Do not use this chair unless all bolts and screws are firmly secured.
  • At least every 4 months, check all bolts and screws to be sure they are tight.
  • Chair is not recommended for outdoor use.
  • Failure to follow these warnings could result in serious injury.

Of course, what they really mean is, "Failure to follow these warnings could result in a lawsuit against us; hence the wordy warning on a freeping stool fer crissake!"

That they refer to a stool as a chair is painful to me. That they think -- even as a joke -- that I'd check all bolts and screws is boggling. There's even a further warning down at the bottom of the label, a reiteration of the bolt-and-screw thing, but this time, just to really capture my attention, they've switched the order of the hardware.

PERIODICALLY TIGHTEN ALL SCREWS AND BOLTS.

I'm not sure how to use a stool -- let alone a chair -- as step ladder, but if I were, Jill wouldn't have to bring over her step-stool tomorrow so we can reach the top of her van.

Well, at least the stool and/or chair was made in Malaysia, not China ...

2 comments:

Mark said...

No no no, the Gods of Mishap do NOT attend exclusively to those forewarned. The Gods of Mishap primarily visit their attentions squarely upon the shoulders of the Eternal Worrywart Enclave (E.W.E.); many members of EWE have been forewarned so incessantly that they have been assimilated by the enclave against their better judgment. They should be pitied, if not forgiven.

olga kruse said...

Again, the Nattering Chatter has made me smile out loud...what? No, really.