Sunday, July 6, 2014

The First Time

A First Kiss is supposed to be pretty important, but I really don't know how to decide which was my first. Was it Mike Staffler in sixth grade in that capture-and-kiss game we played on the asphalt between the two churches? Like all the girls, I'd been longing for Danny Chastek to catch me, but he never would.

So the First Kiss must have been with Bill Handy, right? Or jeez, was it Terry Washburn?

The First Dance was on a Friday night after the basketball game. I was in seventh grade, it was the twist, and the song was I Want to Hold Your Hand. I don't remember who I danced with, but I know it wasn't a boy.

I'm happy to report, amongst all this not-remembering, that I do remember the first time I Went All The Way. Thanks, Steve!

The thing is, we don't ever know when we've had our last. The first might be a big deal, but surely the last is an even bigger deal. But when is it? And how will we know?

It's entirely possible that I had my Last Kiss twelve years ago, and that seems sad. And what about sex? Am I done? Have I had all the sex I'm ever going to have? Waaaah!

And no more dancing? I went to the club last night where you could find me every Saturday for about a decade. But that was another twelve or thirteen years ago. I had to peer through the years and the fat and the grey – but not the cigarette smoke, not these days – to recognize some of the other former regulars. There was a beat I like, but I couldn't find anyone to dance with and I couldn't go out on the floor alone. So I went home, undanced.

Undanced. Unkissed. Unfucked. So are these the Golden Years?


Anonymous said...

Well... speaking as a lady who has been at the point of thinking all is hopeless many times (and was very wrong.)

Ya gotta go after it.

Yes, it would be perfection to think that we could just be casually walking down the street one day and The Right One will appear, make himself known to us, and the rest is bliss. But it does not work like that 99.9% of the time.

When my ex-husband left me in 2006, I had not had sex in seven years. That was not my idea, and that was about 50% of the time I was married. I had only dated three men before my marriage. I thought I was hopelessly unattractive and would never have a relationship again or sex.

But I got on a dating site or two, then I dated. Had sex. Dated more, met some cool guys, met some more cool guys, eventually married the coolest guy of all. I've had more fun in the past five years than I did in the first 47.

You know I'm not a model. I'm short, fat, and missing some teeth now, as well as being in my late 40's, early 50's when all this was and is going on.

I just put myself out there without expectation of meeting Mr. Perfect, without desperation or hostility, and with an open mind and friendly demeanor. Going out casually with a nice meal and good conversation was usually my main goal. When I ran into a dud, I would dump him and move on.

You are not a bad lookin' female. Plus, you know who you are, what you like, and what you will and will not put up with. In my book, all excellent traits to have when looking for a partner.

So...don't give up, K?

Don Dewsnap said...

Barbara, with your smile and your mind, whatever you are un'ed you have unchosen. You know you can have pretty much anything you want. You have only to reach.

btw, so happy to see your blog again.

Selen Ekinci said...

its so good :)